rhymes with "ouble enetration"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
