Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
