I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
