You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
