its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How does one acquire holy water?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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