I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
