I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
