Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
