i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
