Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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