im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
