Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My ass is underappreciated
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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