I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize