You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
