i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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