oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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