he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
