Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
