She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
vagina is talking i cant
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Randomize
