I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
