He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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