I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
