Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
