I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
