oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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