We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
