Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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