Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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