Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
