If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
