I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize