i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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