My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
