Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
