just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
