Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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