a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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