well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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