why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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