Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Welp...herpes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
