Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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