i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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