All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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