I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
