I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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