she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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