ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
