you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
please don't ironically join a cult
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