Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
