I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
