if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just high enough for therapy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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