question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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