I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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