Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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