Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
