I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this just has baby written all over it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
