I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
