just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
