i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
