"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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