Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
