and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
