And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
