So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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