just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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