If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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