Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
