God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
