i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
