she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
