I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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