There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
