Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize