Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
