You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
