I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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