You work out of a Hotel?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
