God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
