Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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