And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Randomize
