dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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