omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
