Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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