So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
