home. puking in laundry basket.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize