ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you would pick up someone in the library
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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