Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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