so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
